A bunch of these old ads were forwarded to me the other day and I was so impressed by their collective ignorance I felt the need to pass them along. What amazes me most is the fact that we’re not all that far removed from them. These are the images and values and ideals thrust upon our mothers, and their mothers.

These are perhaps the scariest ones to me, a parent who doesn’t plan on giving my kids soda, beer, cocaine or guns anytime soon. (I’d say “Call me old-fashioned,” but I suppose that doesn’t really make sense here.)

Yes, it’s never too soon to start baby on a diet of chemicals and carbonation. For those who can’t read the fine print, it tells parents that laboratory tests have “proven that babies who start drinking soda during that early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and ‘fitting in’ during those awkward pre-teen and teen years.”

I remember the days of breastfeeding, when I daydreamed that sipping an occasional glass of wine would help my son sleep better. It never worked for me, but then again I wasn’t drinking Blatz beer, with its “nourishing qualities that are essential at this time.” Shame on me.

No idea what the little stick house has to do with cocaine, but it all looks sort of darling, doesn’t it?

Nothing does WHAT like Seven-Up? Rot your teeth? Stunt your growth? Add zero nutritional value to your infant’s delicate system?

“Papa says it won’t hurt us.” Papa’s a liar, kids. Apparently the only thing more dangerous than that gun is your papa.

But these are also pretty terrible. I love seeing women being respected and honored as equals, don’t you?

Before the invention of the screw-on cap, were ketchup bottle tops welded shut?

Frankly I’m not sure what this is about with the whole “store-testing for fresh coffee” thing. But I am sure nobody should be pushing violence against women for any reason.

This is twisted on so many levels.

Oh THAT’S what wives are for.

 

Also, the advertising industry telling us how we should look has pretty deep(ly disturbing) roots.

Screw the sensible diet, I’ll just eat these tape worms. They’re “easy to swallow,” with “no ill effects.”

Freckles once made her “actually homely.” I wonder how many jars of this stuff it would take to cover all of mine.

 And, of course, the cigarette ads. Oh those cigarettes.

It makes me wonder what ads we see today will be laughed at in 50 years. I have a few ideas…